This is a corner of my world where the hokey pokey really is what it's all about! So when life hits you all at once ~ just sit back and enjoy the ride!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

I am so FINE!

Here I go again~I think a colon cleansing would be much easier and much more fun than a soul cleansing. Church is my subject today! I have so many fun memories growing up in the church. First, crush was with a boy named David at a church youth lockin at a church a town away. Then there was Charlie my much older crush~he was 4 years older and didn't know I even thought he was cute. But as a child we went every Sunday and I loved going.  went to church camp, Epworth, and participated in many different areas. I grow up Methodist and I have a pin that was given for every year I had perfect attendance~I had 18 years of perfect attendace.
Then I went to college and I never found one that made me feel like I belonged. I tried Baptist, Methodist,etc. I didn't care which denomination. I wanted a church that felt like family.  I graduated and moved to a town near my home town and didn't try to find a church. I still read my bible and prayed~in fact I prayed more than I had done earlier in my life. I just quit finding a place to belong.  Well, I moved again a year later to another town close to my home town. I went and visited several churches but I didn't really try to belong~I guess I liked being an outsider looking in and saying this just isn't me.
d To skip ahead several years~I met Mr. Honey who had grown up baptist and didn't have a church he called home either we were a perfect match. Well this Methodist married that Baptist by a Presbaterian in a Methodist church. I have always said that God has a sense of humor~there is more to that story but I won't go into it today. My Hubby and I settled down in the Methodist Church and we now have 2 kids~several years have passed by now. I have seen several preachers come and go and one in particular that I hated to see leave. He was a minister that had gone through many ordeals that made him know what everyday ordinary people have experienced in life. He had even gone to jail when he was younger and dumber. But that is not my story to tell~I just hated to see him leave.
My grandmother has always tried to tell me that the preacher is not the church. But the preacher that is currently at our church thinks he is the church. When my Hubby was injured I called the church to cancel an appointment and explained to them what had happened. But the pastor nor associate pastor or anyone other than my 2 friends that also go to the same church even called to check on my husband. Our former ministered called but not my current. It was almost 3 weeks after my husband's injury right after we had talked with our former pastor that the new pastor called to tell us he didn't know how to get to our house but how was my husband. I know i should let this go but I am struggling with this. We live in a modern world~telephone, email, cell phones, I work at a school less than a mile from my church~He never tried to contact us. It took our former pastor to call him and tell him to make contact. Instead of him just saying I am sorry~he blamed the fact he had lived in this town for 3 months and didn't know his way around. Ok~Susan let this go! Well this same pastor has been here for 2 years and I have quit going to church because I have a problem with him. He has changed evertything about our church he has taken money from programs like the children's daycare,scouts, etc. and puts it into programs he and only he wants. I know this sounds stupid. Jay's mom almost died back in October and again we called the church. Again we called the church and the preacher was going to stay in touch. We never saw him up at the hospital when we were there~he was up there one morning early and went back to pray with her but he didn't check on Jay and talk with him about the fact his mother may or may not pull through. The associate pastor did follow through and talked with us and for that I am glad!
well that leads me to the fact that my family and I are not attending church. With the exception of my 2 close friends no one seems to notice we aren't there. The Sunday School classes that my kids are in haven't bothered to even send a note saying they have been missed. No calls from the preacher or anyone asking is everything ok? Are ya'll having a rough time? Nothing?! Why? If they need something they call me or my hubby~But they can't call me or check on me just because... Now who am I punishing for not going? Me but most of all my children. That makes me mad. I know get over it and get on with it. That is where I am today. I want to be important enough to be missed~I know my hang up with the preacher is all me and I am going to have to grow up and let it go. But is it wrong to want someone to say hey we missed you today. That is what a family is all about being concerned and caring about what is going on.
Sorry this is so long winded~Nadine when you read this and I know at some point you will~Thank you for caring and always noticing when I am absent. I know I got to let it go~it is what it is. I am trying to let it go now with this cleansing! We will see!


dot said...

I understand what you are saying. I've just recently started going to a new church because I couldn't deal with some of the goings on in the church I was attending. I tried to tell myself I didn't even need to go to church but then I read this I don't think people are friendly in church like they used to be, especially the big churches. I hope you won't give up and I hope that you will find a church you're comfortable in.

Liz said...

I'd agree with your grandma and also say that the church isn't Jesus either. He never stops caring and loving and I'm sure he's hurting from your neglect by his family.

I was going to leap in and say the pastor needs a smack but then I stopped and re-read.
I've felt similarly to you, that nobody cares, and sometimes it is true that others are too busy to seek you out, but you do have your two good friends. The pastor did go and pray for your mother-in-law; the associate pastor did talk to Jay.

It's bad that the Sunday School haven't checked up on the children's welfare and you're obviously hurting a lot. I know when I feel resentful the last thing I want is for someone to come along and put the other person's point of view - so I'm probably not very popular with you now!

Howvere you view this particular church, don't let go of God's hand. He wants to guide you and to carry your pain - if you can hand it over to him. And that's the hardest part, isn't it? Letting go of our anger and hurt. I am a fine one to talk as I still harbour resentment over things I've perceived as being done against me or mine years ago.

But I'll pray for peace for you. that sharing this will be a helpful step along the way.

Susan said...

Dot and Liz you are just what the Doctor ordered I just hope you take my insurance coverage. I needed and wanted to hear what you had to say. I need a big kick in my butt for letting others keep me away from a place I love because of their lack of concern. The church is a place for sinners like me~and them. I do know that Jesus isn't the Church and that He can pray and be apart of my families life without that building. I did and do want to smack the pastor because he is missing the boat but that attitude is letting me miss what is out there. I am trying to not give up because I want my kids to have a place like I did growing up that is safe, fun , and a place of learning. Thank you both for reading this very long post and giving me the feedback I need. God works through all avenues. Thanks!

Nadine said...

You know I have had to just let it go as well......he will not change and I need to just concentrate on the reason I am going to church. It is not for Glenn's approval or disapproval. I need to go for my own spiritual healing and renewal. Just remember I love you and your family, and I miss you when you are not there.....and so does God. As Todd says, Control what you can control.

Nadine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Suburbia said...

Oh Susan of course you want to be noticed. And let's face it that is his job and he is failing his community by the sound of it. I have trouble reconciling my self with religion, often because of this sort of thing. Some people who proffess to be Christian just plain aren't. I don't do church, but I try my hardest to be a good person and care about the people I know, though I'm certainly not perfect by any means.
It is sad that you feel you can't go to church and someone needs to sort him out!! You have had a lot to deal with and if he can't be bothered to find your house and check you're Ok then there's something wrong with him.
Perhaps it's time to find a more careing community in another church? Good luck and best wishes

Susan said...

Nadine~ I know you can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit~but you know me I am a fixer and I want to fix him but as I have been told you can't fix stupid! Thanks you are right I am going to have to let it go! But it is hard. But I will let the Weenie go~because my friend will snatch that weenie if I have trouble letting it go!
Suburbia, thanks for the well wishes. I have thought about leaving and finding a different church but my kids have friends there and I want to try for them~more so than me. I will get through and over this and I will triumph because I am a tough bitch to tackle. Sorry I also curse like a sailor~hard to believe I teach Kindergarten, too! Thanks for caring and sharing! That's why I blog! I can get alot out and it helps me feel better!