The New Priest

The new priest was so nervous at his first mass, he could hardly speak. Before his second appearance in the pulpit,he asked the Monsignor how he could relax. The Monsignor said, "Next Sunday it may help if you put some Vodka in the water pitcher. After a few sips, everything should go smoothly."
The next Sunday the new priest put the suggestion into practice and was able to talk up a storm. He felt great! However, upon his return to the rectory, he found a note from the Monsignor:
1. Next time, sip rather than gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T!"
5. The recommended grace before meals is not "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub. Yeah God!"
6. Do not refer to our Saviour Jesus Christ and his apostles as "JC and the Boys".
7. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
8. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are never referred to as "Big Daddy, Jr., and the Spook!"
9. It's always Virgin Mary , never Mary with a cherry.
10. Last, but not least, next Wednesday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.